


The Grocery Adventure

by TheReviewess



Series: Heroics Run In The Family [20]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Grocery Shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 08:33:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16783396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheReviewess/pseuds/TheReviewess
Summary: MODERN AU: Leliana entrusts the love of her life, the hero of Ferelden herself, with a simple task of grocery shopping. Armed with a shopping list and her trusty sidekick (also known as her daughter), Aerinwyn Mahariel and Faenra traverse the magical place known at the grocery store.OrAerin and Fae are terrible at grocery shopping and should not be allowed in the store.





	The Grocery Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy this absolute ridiculousness known as the Grocery Adventure. This came about after some silly shit on a discord server.
> 
> Aerin is 32 and Faenra is 16.

“So why are we groceries shopping? Doesn't Shema  _ know  _ we're bad at that?” Faenra asked, looking over at her mom.

“Well we have a list, so if we stick to it, we should be fine,” her mother replied, pulling out a nice little list. 

Peering over her shoulder, Fae noticed that her mother gave the exact brand of the item she wanted, quantity  _ and  _ where to find it. It even had the exact grocery store, complete with address. She made the list virtually idiot proof, which was impressive.

“Thorough,” Fae said, leaving against the cart and pushing it into the store.

“I think she went a little overboard. I mean, she barely has any cheese on here,” Aerin replied, giving the list a second read through. “Does she not realize that were running low already?”

“Maybe she's getting cheese?”

Aerin turned her head toward her kid. Her eyes were still covered by dark sunglasses, Oakley's, but Fae could still see one finely manicured eyebrow raise over the rim.

“Fae. Why would she send us grocery shopping if she was going to buy cheese? That doesn't make sense.”

Faenra shrugged. She should have just gotten a ride home from Cirque. 

“Well, it is coming up on the Anniversary of the Blight. So maybe she wanted to get cheese to surprise you?” Fae asked, already pushing their cart down the first aisle. “What bread are we getting?”

Aerin looked down at her list. It took her a minute, but then she realized she had her sunglasses on. She quickly took them off and put them on her hat that read “V BLIGHT VETERAN” with the sigil of the Grey Wardens. Fae had bought her the hat as a gag birthday gift, and now her mother wore it all the time just to annoy her.

“She wants wheat. The store brand one apparently.”

“What's the store brand?” Fae asked.

“I assume it's the one with the word store on it, Fae.”

“Well none of them have the word store on it, Ma!”

Aerin looked over to the bread and narrowed her eyes. “What the fuck?” She muttered, looking up and down at all the different breads. “This is ridiculous. How do you tell which brand is store brand if it doesn't have the word store on it?”

Faenra used this opportunity to snag the list. When she looked at bread, she just saw “ _ Wheat Bread, store brand x2”  _ written next to it. So much for idiot proof. 

“Fuck it.” Her mother grumbled, grabbing a random bag of wheat. “Does this logo thing look familiar?”

“I don't look at the bread bag when I'm making my sandwiches. I just get the bread and make a sandwich.” Faenra told her. “As long as we come back with two bags of wheat, I think we're good.”

“Great.” Without much fanfare, Aerin tossed two bags of bread into their cart and continued down the aisle, leaving Faenra to follow with the cart and the list. 

After the bread, everything seemed to be easier. Sort of.

“Organic green beans? Why are they so expensive!”

“Apparently they're good for you.” Faenra replied, acting as the voice of reason.

“They're just green beans!”

“Don't ask me. That's just what the list says!”

So maybe produce was confusing too. At least the dairy was easy. The elves knew their dairy. Surprisingly, neither needed the list, except to know the quantities. 

“I still think we need more butter cheese,” Aerin argued, throwing her literally armful of cheese in their cart.

“We're even low on the mild, too,” Faenra pointed out.

The two looked back at the shelf of cheese, eyeing it with longing. They wanted to buy more cheese, they did. But Leliana's list was very specific. Neither wanted to incur the wrath of the angry Leliana, so they begrudgingly stuck to their list…

That is, until they came to the aisle of snacks.

“How mad do you think she would be if we got some snacks?” Faenra asked, eyeing the bags of Goldfish crackers and the boxes of Cheez-Its.

“We would need a good reason for it…” Aerinwyn replied, her resistance crumbling as she spotted the Four Cheese Cheez-Its on the top shelf. They were her weakness.

“Well did she say that we couldn't get anything extra?” Fae prodded, eyeing her favorite snacks even more.

“She just gave me the list… she said to get what's on it… but she never said we couldn't get extra snacks.” Aerin acquiesced, “besides, were due for a family day. We can have a movie marathon this weekend. And we need snacks for this.”

“It's my turn to pick the movies.” Faenra declared. “And can I have friends over?”

“Friends mean more snacks.”

Fae's eyes went wide. “I'm a genius.”

“We have great ideas.”

They did  _ not  _ have great ideas.

“The Four Cheese is up there.” Aerin told her kid, pointing up to the boxes.

That posed a problem. The two of them were elves. Elves were short. And when it came to short elves, Aerinwyn and Faenra were shorter than the average elf. Even if they stretched and got on their toes, both elves wouldn't be able to reach the top shelf.

At least they weren't dwarves.

“So, the way I see it, we have two options,” Aerinwyn told her kid.

“Hit me.”

“Either one of us is getting picked up, or we climb on the shelves…”

They looked at each other for a moment, weighing their options.

“You're on grabbing duty,” Aerin finally decided. She was a Grey Warden, she had to put her Warden strength to good use somehow. After all, what was he point of her being so ripped (other than, you know, getting laid)?

“Deal.”

With ease that only came from an obscene amount of weight training, Aerin hoisted her kid up to the top shelf. “By the Creators, what are the feeding you at that school?”

“Are you calling me fat?” Faenra asked while grabbing as many boxes of Cheez-Its as she could. It might have been a bit overkill, but both elves could eat a box in one sitting without blinking.

“If I was calling you fat, I would say you were fat,” her mother pointed out, she was rather blunt after all. “But someone clearly gained some muscle.”

“Oh yeah. Well Cirque and all is, well you know.” Faenra replied, moving her feet so that they rested on a shelf. Now she could get a little more leverage and grab another box. 

The sound of creaking metal startled both elves, causing Aerin to yank her kid away from the shelf. Boxes of Cheez-Its tumbled off-the-shelf, and lay scattered on the floor. Aerin was still holding Fae as they both looked at the damage. Apparently one should not climb the shelves at the grocery store, for they might put dents in the shelving units.

“Let's not tell Leliana about that…” Aerin muttered, letting go of her kid.

“Agreed,” Fae replied, “grab the boxes.”

The two hurried to grab their obscene amount of snacks before booking it to the next aisle. At this point they were nearly finished with their shopping, just needing to buy a few things from the frozen foods section, and Leliana's wine.

Out of all the things, the wine was the most important.

“Is ice cream on the list?” Faenra asked her mother.

Aerin looked down, “no.”

“Can we put it on the list?”

Aerin didn't even answer, she just opened a freezer door and grabbed a container of plain vanilla ice cream. They had all the fixings at home, thankfully.

“I'm brilliant,” Fae declared.

“You get it from me,” Aerin told her with a laugh. “Anyway, wine.”

Yes, the important thing.

Leliana was very specific with the location, brand, year, and pretty much everything when it came to her wine. Feeling particularly nice, Aerin put two bottles of wine in the cart, instead of the one. Partially because of this impromptu movie marathon, and partially to lessen the amount of disappointed Leliana would be when she realized that the two elves got more snacks than needed. Again. But this is what she got for sending them out to grocery shop! Honestly!

“Is that everything?” Fae asked as they pushed their cart to the check out.

“Yeah, I crossed everything off as we got it, so we wouldn't miss something.” Aerin told Fae.

The two checked out with ease. As they were loading their card back up, one of the cashiers near them spoke to a bagger.

“So apparently someone climbed on over of the shelves in the cracker aisle. Broke an entire shelf!”

The two elves looked at each other but wisely said nothing.

“Who would do that?”

“Probably dwarves. Can't reach those top shelves well, I guess.”

Mentally the two cheered, they weren't suspects! Before the conversation could turn to guessing elves as shelf climbing suspects, Aerin and Fae casually made their way out of the grocery store.

“Don't tell Leliana.”

“Agreed.”

Of course, they didn't need to tell Leliana anything.

“Why did Harding send me a picture of you two climbing on shelves at the store?” Leliana asked as the two elves walked inside with literally all of their groceries… because true elves only make one trip from the car.

“What?”

Without hesitating, Leliana flashed the image of Aerin lifting Faenra up to grab the Cheez-Its.

“Can you not have my friends spy on me?” Faenra asked her mother. “It’s creepy.”

“Can you two not get in trouble at the grocery store? Honestly, I made you a list! This should have been easy!” Leliana informed the two of them, now starting to take the bags from them and placing them on the kitchen counter.

“You forgot things!” Aerin protested, “bread me.” 

Faenra tossed her the bag of bread. “Yeah!”

As Aerin pulled the bread bags from the plastic grocery bags, Leliana's eyes narrowed. “That is not the store brand bread. Not that I am complaining, but why did you get that bread? You never complained about bread before.”

“We couldn't find the store brand one.” Aerin replied, stuffing the bread into the cabinets.

“Yeah. Not one bag of bread said store on it. And I checked like twice,” Faenra replied, carrying her massive armload of snacks to their pantry.

The sheer idiocy in that particular statement made Leliana facepalm. These elves were idiots. Her idiots, but still idiots.

“The store brand has the  _ name  _ of the store. Not the actual word store on it!” She told the two of them.

In that moment, there was silence. It didn't last long.

“... We're idiots.” Faenra mumbled.

“Yup.”

“It is a wonder that you managed to save the world from a Blight but you cannot seem to navigate a simple grocery store,” Leliana pointed out.

“I'm sorry but I can't hear you over the sound of us not starving to death because someone knew how to hunt!”

“Oh wow! Snacks!” Faenra shouted from the pantry. She must have brought the snacks in during their argument. “Shema! Why did you buy snacks?”

“On my way home. I knew we were running low and that you two cannot reach the top shelf,” Leliana explained. “I see you restricted the amount of cheese purchased. I'm glad, because I brought home your favorites from work today.”

“We got the cheese early on, before the temptation overcame us.” Aerin told her. Faenra had been right in her prediction, this was awesome! “And why did you want organic green beans? They're expensive!”

“Faenra won't eat non organic,” Leliana explained with a shrug. 

“Yes I will!” The teenager protested loudly from the pantry, probably trying to find a place for all their extra snacks.

“Everytime I make non organic vegetables, you hate them!” 

“Nuh uh!”

“Faenra, you always complain they don't taste as good.”

“Blasphemy!”

Both Aerin and Leliana rolled their eyes. They knew Faenra was a picky eater, but this was next level. 

“She's going to have a great time when she lives on her own, huh?” Aerin asked with a teasing grin.

“Absolutely.”

“I heard that!”

They both ignored that.

“Please tell me you bought wine…”

“Way ahead of you!” Aerin declared, pulling out both bottles she bought. “Figured you'd be mad at the snacks and ice cream, so I got two bottles. And I even triple checked it to the list.”

After determining that Aerin didn't completely fuck up, Leliana was relieved. She could deal with the extra snacks, ice cream, incorrect bread, and a broken shelving unit (though she made a mental note to send an anonymous donation out of Aerin's check to fix it), now that she had her wine. At least the Warden could get something right.

“I'm never letting you two shop again.”

“Yeah, that's probably for the best.”


End file.
